I come to you tonight, not in a sense of confused and disarrayed anger, but as a person who wishes to share a few observations about the state of all things human. I do not claim, at this moment, to be an expert on all that is human or every problem that will ever face a person. What I want to share is a few things that I have discovered through a life lived with purpose but a nasty penchant for leaping long before looking.
I tell people every now and then that I find sitting and thinking about a solution less productive, and in fact outright more harmful, than simply taking an option and pursuing it until you find exactly what is or is not happening along that path.
I fear stagnation, I fear time that is not utilized, I fear the implications of the bystander effect.
What I did not realize, but seem to be reminding myself constantly, is that their are always more than two options to any situation. Yoda is a great villain in our lives because tells you to do or do not and acknowledges no level of effort that does not reach a goal. Effort is a reward in itself, but it will not ever be a solution.
When faced with several options I should learn to think for a little while longer before just heading down a path. It is true that I have avoided a certain amount of downtime in my decision making, but I have also wasted a lot of effort by not paying attention to clear signs of futility and danger.
The bulk of this argument is supposed to be about something else though. And I’ll branch over to that now. I have done a lot of damage to myself over the years physically, socially, mentally, emotionally, and financially.
I did a lot of this damage from a combination of too much effort that did not lead to a result and too little time spent panicking before running through the next metaphorical door.
I have developed a psyche full of holes and bruises. I have mental and emotional scars, like we all do, but what I’m starting to notice is that they function not just allegorically like their physical counterparts but physiologically the same as well.
Shock to your system is meant to keep you immobilized long enough for the body to process the trauma and begin sending the proper signals about what is wrong. Psychological and emotional numbness does the same, it buys you time to get past the moment and into a safe place to start receiving signals properly.
The body creates scabs as living bandages to protect an area of the body while it heals. An emotional scar exists to protect the damaged bits underneath. The more important part of this parallel is that a scab should not be removed until the healing process is over, otherwise you are just dealing more damage to the areas you intend to heal. The scab will itch, you will want to pick at it, you will convince yourself that its okay enough to see the light of day.
You will often be a little early.
And if you are early enough and the scab is attached well enough, you just might do more damage to the wound than the wound did to you.
We all must be aware of these areas in our lives. Places inside ourselves where we have been hurt and have acted with haste to an area that has little to no risk of being left alone until it was healed.
Much the same way that I kept choosing the next door to dive through, I kept removing scabs that had not completed their task and pushed myself further into pain that didn’t need to exist. I refused to stop moving and become a bystander, but running into a situation that you have no business being in can be more devastating to yourself and the situation than waiting to understand what action was needed.
Which puts us back to a trick of numbing, it gives you time to assess the situation and begin receiving signals. Remember that numbing is supposed to help you get to a safe space to begin the healing process. Unless you risk further injury from attempting to leave the situation, the moment you go numb is the time to get out.
Yes, you can baby a wound until you cause a bigger problem than would have existed if you worked through it, but if we listen closely the signals will tell you which one you are dealing with.
This is not a complete profile of human mental/emotional health. It’s not meant to be, it is merely a way of thinking about what is going on when certain impulses are felt.
We push against those who attempt to pick at scabs, we respond slowly and poorly when numb, we fight or flee when being attacked. That is part of the living process, but to be a proper human you have to rise above pure instinct and enter the realm of reasoned instinct. Your body is looking out for you, but it doesn’t always have the context that your mind does.
So the next time you are dealing with a damaged person, try to find a place within yourself to analyze the information they give you and remember that some actions are just instinct and should not be punished off hand for being what they are; a reaction.
Filed under: Tame by Comparison
